To-Do

Whew! Okay, uh … sorry, just had a mini freak out when I started thinking about all the off-season gardening tasks on the docket for Fencebroke this Winter. But, if there's one thing I've learned from my brilliant wife over the years, it's that there's not a problem in the world too overwhelming to be solved—or at least put off for a few more minutes—by making a list. So here goes …

*Prune fruit trees

*Design and build small greenhouse out of existing materials

*Install new cinderblock border for veggie bed; plant strawberries in cinderblock holes

*Throw away old, expired seeds

*Buy new seeds

*Stifle guilt of once again buying too many seeds

*Build support for raspberries planted last year

*Find and re-bury treasure

*Dig new bed for planting quinoa; use sod thus lifted to start a new squash mound

*Figure out why the @##$^& I can't seem to grow potatoes

*Finish planting and edging existing ornamental beds

*Conduct mass funeral for all the plants that didn't make it this year

*Clean out rain barrels

*Find a way to market my book in China; learn Mandarin

*Dig-up and relocate at least 75% of so-called “permanent” plantings; after careful consideration, replant at least 50% of those back in the same spot they came from.

*Pot-up container plantings

*Clean out fire pit; burn all incriminating documents

*Plan edible plantings for the year in order to maximize nutrition, yield, variety, flavor, preservation, kid-friendliness, and length of growing season; give up and just wing it.

*Instill in offspring a lasting sense of harmony and connection to the Earth through the thoughtful cultivation of its soil; give up and put on Daniel Tiger instead.

*Find a way to share this year's harvest with those in need

*Prune dead limbs on trees in front yard

*Make garden more bird-friendly

*Make garden less cat-friendly

*Make garden more gardener-friendly

*Re-do and expand back patio for better—

—You know what? This isn't helping at all. I can't even … I don't know where to … and the ground is still frozen … and the kids won't ever nap at the same time and—

All right, I've got a new, simplified list:

*Stay inside

*Drink coffee

*Play video games

Check, check, and … check. Turns out my wife was on to something.